You Apes Wanna Live Forever?

Juan Ponce De Leon wasted his time. The fountain of youth is not in Florida. It's in a research lab in his home country.

Researchers believe boosting the amount of a naturally forming enzyme in the body could prevent cells dying and so lead to extended, healthier, lifespans.

The protein telomerase helps maintain the protective caps at the ends of chromosomes which act like the ends of shoelaces and stop them unravelling.

As we age, and our cells divide, these caps become frayed and shorter and eventually are so damaged that the cell dies. Scientists believe boosting our natural levels of telomerase could rejuvenate them.

...

Maria Blasco, who led the research, told the New Scientist said that the enzyme was capable of turning "a normal, mortal cell into an immortal cell".

Great. We become forever young by turning our mortal cells into immortal cells. One problem, though. You know what else "immortal cells" are called? Cancer.

One of the problems with boosting telomerase is that it can increase the risk of cancer.

Dr Blasco said this could be overcome by also issuing cancer drugs that could offset the negative affects.

Wow. That sounds about as reassuring as that time a friend told me he could keep a TV with frayed wiring running through the liberal usage of electric tape. The thing ended up almost starting an electric fire. (Thank you, fire extinguishers.)

If we take Dr. Blasco as seriously as she wants us to take her, then we'd be spending around two-thirds of our immortal existence as cancer drug junkies. The only people who could possibly benefit from that would be the employees of a cancer drug company I'm sure Dr. Blasco is raring to start up.

I think I'm more predisposed to looking forward to death than immortal life as a half-way zombie.