Swiss Out-Crazy PETA

We all know the group ominously known as "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" is plain nuts. Except when they put up naked pictures of hot, deluded female celebrities. Then, they're both nuts and hot, which is a combination good enough to make any fetish hooker proud.

However, PETA has officially lost the monopoly over its particular brand of bat-shit crazy.

Meet the Swiss Government's Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology.

This group of Swiss geniuses, consisting of "philosophers", lawyers, geneticists and "theologians" (I don't have enough respect for lawyers and geneticists to give 'em they-could-be-fake quotes), have decided that plants ought to have rights, which in this case is the right to not be "humiliated".

You read it correctly. PLANT RIGHTS.

"We can haz ryts? I'ze vote bugz!!"

How in the world can a plant be humiliated? Will it blush when we see it naked? Will a carrot go to a battered carrot center when forcibly peeled? Does the grape get mercilessly teased in fruit school?

Aside from the human race, the biggest losers if this concept ever takes off are botanists. After all, who does most of the plant-handling and plant-poking and cross-pollinating (plant rape!) around? Oh, and for poor geeky botanists, plants are probably going to be as close as they get to...well...you get the picture...

"Hear me roar! Or at least, hear Eve Ensler obsess about my monologues. Coming to a Plants Rights rally near you!"