I'm mostly a quiet guy who tends to keep his mouth shut when in the company of the unfamiliar. (And unfamiliar is mostly women.) So, as a tribute to my friend X, and in an attempt to "list like Hornby" (if the author of my sister's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" blog/novel can do it, so can I...), here's 10 things I wish I managed to say in front of certain ladies I've met throughout the years.
1. If wine aged like you, my cousin would be sober.
2. Were you really staring at that other girl's breasts?
3. You wanna know how much I wasted on that stuffed toy fetish of yours?
4. (After a lady friend insulted me.) Yeah, I love you too.
5. You're going to be a nun about as surely as I'm going to be elected Pope.
6. I wish you weren't a student.
7. If you were the last person on Earth, I'm gonna start a family with a goat. A female goat. (Oh, wait, I think I actually said that one...)
8. What about me? I fancy you, and I'm not gay.
9. If you become Catholic, I'll marry you in a heartbeat.
10. Why did God have to make you so perfect? Now all my poetry will suck...
Naku dude! We can't go feeling like that when we take you out sarging (picking up ladies)
ReplyDeleteBut some of those lines will work :)