Man Boobs Explained

What do you think caused the sharp increase in Man Boob proliferation we've had to suffer through lately?

Okay, other than rising obesity. Besides, even not-so-fat people are getting them.

Simon Cowell has them...so it's not just the fatties.

Apparently, according to this report, it's the contraceptive pill.

According to the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations, an alarming rise in male infertility in developed nations is possibly caused by the quantities of synthetic female hormones, particularly estrogen, in the food chain and water. These quantities are directly attributable to increased use of the contraceptive pill and hormone replacement therapy.

The hormones contained in these pills make their way into water systems. Factories that make the pill dump excess materiel in the water. Those that use the pill unwittingly pass these hormones onto their environment. So, countries that have high contraceptive usage have been throwing this stuff around for decades.

The result?

The evidence that synthetic hormones can have grotesque environmental effects has actually been around for a long time and it is mounting. As long ago as the 1980s, studies were done in the US which showed the effects of estrogen pollution on wildlife, famously alligators in Florida with deformed genitals. But more recently, in February 2008, the University of Cardiff published a study that claimed a link between sexual deformities in birds around sewerage outlets of large British cities and the increased amount of estrogen finding its way into rivers and estuaries.

Note the words "genital deformity", my brothers. It does not simply mean that your junk gets transformed. You may find yourself with attributes more properly placed with your moms. Like, you know, man boobs.

I feel pretty, oh, so pretty...

The environmental effects of the pill on men may in fact gradually reveal the extent of the damage to our whole society, something that Francis Fukuyama points out in his essay, The Great Disruption: that we can't just introduce something such as this for 30 years and not expect unforeseen consequences, moral, social and, of course, physical. But tragically it will be young men and boys who suffer before women will also free themselves of this burden.

So, we'd better think twice about going all gung-ho on contraception. I do not want to wake up to a Philippines 30 years later populated by horrific hordes of man mammary mayhem. It's bad enough when our drag queens do it. Don't make us relive the nightmare everyday. I don't want to live in a variety show. 

One more reason to tell Lagman to fuck off.