Panfilo Lacson - Lost last time due to FPJ, but can come roaring back next year. May or may not shy away from fascist rhetoric and the urge to raise arm in salute.
Bayani Fernando - Cleaned up the MMDA, messed up the MMFF, and is hated by motorists, movie moguls and sidewalk vendors throughout the capital. Outside Manila, it's Bayani who?
Loren Legarda - The best her party can field is a fucking tree hugger.
Francis Escudero - Probably the most Obama-like of the candidates. No experience, with all the charisma of a successful ice-seller in Alaska, but without the special race to make him unique. Only credential is voting "nay" to various Administration initiatives and looking like an overrated rock star. 
Noli de Castro - Current (is he still around?) vice president, and front-running administration candidate. Doesn't say much, likely due to poor grasp of any language outside of Tagalog. The Filipino answer to Ron Burgundy.
Joseph "Erap" Estrada - Deposed president. Set records for corruption and incompetence while in office. Has enough face blubber and money to run again. 
Jinggoy Estrada - Horrible movie actor and son of Erap. Nothing more. 
Jejomar Binay - Lord of the fiefdom of Makati. Seeks to impose rule over entire Philippines. Wants to change Philippine flag to gigantic yellow "B" logo. 
Manny Villar - Both administration and opposition. Both yin and yang. Both rich and poor. A walking paradoxical dichotomy threatening fabric of time and space and the principle of non-contradiction. 
Mar Roxas - Once known to curse at an opposition rally. Other than that, has a semi-hot girlfriend. 
Antonio Trillanes IV - Traitor. Haven't they hanged him yet? I want to watch. 
And finally, (and this is just a rumor) the darkest of dark horses in the history of Philippine dark horse racing...err...elections... Kris Aquino!!
That's it, folks! Only in the Philippines can such a collection of losers, charlatans and morons all run for the honor of leading us into ruin! Hopefully, we've offended partisans of all stripes. We certainly had fun trying to do so.
Many thanks to the Obama icon generator of Paste Magazine!
Cheap pop art! It wins elections!
hahaha! nice ones! God! This makes me sooooo nervous about 2010. :O
ReplyDeleteThe presidentiable who's platform is profamily will get my vote... however if Binay goes with King Jejomar I in his campaign, yeyeah! hahaha
ReplyDeleteid go for bayani. he loves art. just look at how he's transforming the country into an artistic nation through MMDA art. so noble. he should be elected philosopher-king.
ReplyDeleteBe afraid, Be very afraid.
ReplyDeleteYeah, same here.
ReplyDeleteKing Jejomar might be pro-family. After all, isn't kingship hereditary?
If he campaigns wearing that viking hat, he'd be a lock for philosopher king. :D Only someone supremely aware of the absurdities of human existence could come up with both MMDA art and a pro-viking platform.
ReplyDeleteI think you were too kind to Chiz Escudero. On second thought, I think you were too kind to all of them.
ReplyDeleteThe elections are still a year away. Once we're certain who is absolutely running, we'll ratchet it up.
ReplyDelete