Cracked.com just put out the best Twilight parody I've read so far. It's basically the Twilight movie if it were shorter and more honest. (Meta?)
A sample:
KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?
GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?
MICHAEL WELCH
No way you asshole, I saw her first!
KRISTEN STEWART
I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?
ANNA KENDRICK
Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!
KRISTEN STEWART
Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?
ANNA KENDRICK
Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you're a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don't think so. Let's make out.
Read all of it. It's fucking awesome.There's this part, too.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?
See, one of the things that annoy me most about "Twilight" is that some people (including Meyer herself) are trying to say that this stupid-ass novel is supposed to reinforce my side of the culture wars.
Sorry, but "no". Make that a "hell, no". A pathetic author's day-dreams cannot be the standard bearer for chastity. Unless by chastity, you mean woman becomes a whiny, clingy, masochistic cipher for tweener hopes and dreams.
Go back to your planet, Meyer, and leave us the hell alone.
Ahh. That felt good.
The family that slays together stays together.
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