From Our "WTF?!!!" Department

Christian Nymphos

Let that sink in for a moment...

At first, I thought it was some gag mocking evangelical sex practices.

But, no. The site is what it says it is: for Christian nymphomaniac housewives. Check out the sub-title: "Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!"

Yeah, these ladies have a thing for the adjective "spicy'.

You might be asking, "Good Lord, how did they come up with this?"

From the site:

We are women with excessive sexual desire for our husbands! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, God wants us to be madly in love with our husbands. He wants us to keep that fire burning in our marriage beds! We have the Song of Solomon as a perfect example of a Christ honored union where the two people are obviously intoxicated with each other.

Okaaay...nothing really wrong...just a bit...well...creepy.

The word Nympho has a negative connotation for some. It doesn’t have to stay this way. Why can’t we take something “of the world” and make it into something good?

Umm...sure.

That is why we started this website. To minister and fellowship with other married women. Our site was created with a target audience of married women ages 18 – 99. If you are a married, or soon to be married woman, then we encourage you to browse through our categories and make yourself at home here.

Just know that we speak from the heart. We write honestly and in some cases, bluntly. We are not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about what the Lord has done in our lives, including our marriage beds. We hope you bookmark us and come back to see us regularly!

Aaaagh! Why would you want to let the world know what the Lord has done in your marriage bed?!

This is creepy...in the way imagining your parents (18-99 years old! Which begs the question...what if you're 100?) bumping uglies is creepy. I have no idea why a Christian ought to broadcast her sexual proclivities. After all, there's nothing commanding it in the Bible, as evangelicals would hold it. I don't think the injunction in Titus that the site uses means "teach young woman how to be freaks in bed." 

The site is also, in its own way, living proof that the Protestant doctrine of "sola scriptura" is very flawed. These women may be sexy, but when it comes to sex, they go through some very un-sexy Biblical legalism to justify some of their rather *ahem* unhygienic practices.

For example, on anal sex:

The Bible is silent on anal sex. Of course it tells us that homosexuality is a sin and that bestiality is a sin, but it really says nothing about this type of sexual experience between a man and his wife.

So, no discussion on the nature of sex and the place of anal sex within that nature. No discussion on the procreative aspect of the good sexual act. Nothing on the self-indulgent nature of certain sexual acts like this one. Nothing. Just a flippant "the Bible doesn't technically say anything about it".

The comments are much, much worse. Holy shit.

When I come across sites like this, I thank God I was born Catholic. Not that the Church doesn't have its fair share of mixed nuts. But at least, there's more to govern them than their own personal (mis)interpretation of the Bible.