Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Censorship Could Have Helped This Guy

Some college play directors are just too damn stupid* to be allowed to make their own creative decisions.

"It is being said often that this play is a direct attack on Christians — their faith and their deity. It simply is not true," wrote Otte, 26, who said he is a devout Christian.

"I am not attacking anyone in choosing this play. I want people to see and understand another side to faith. I want us all to know that unconditional love means just that -- unconditional -- and I believe tolerance is a key message in this play. None of us, not one of us, should ever feel alone or separated from God or whomever we believe in."

The play is about a gay Jesus. How in the fuck is that not an attack on foundational Christian doctrine? All that tolerance bullshit is just toilet paper on dirty ass. This "other side of faith" is not faith at all, but mere anti-religious preening.

UA&P may be restrictive, but not even our most flamboyantly gay director would be able to get away with this kind of mind-blowing stupidity.

Unfortunately for this small town college, the stupidity is like the rage virus. Too contagious.

"This is academia, and one of the attributes of academia is cultural diversity," he told WFAA News. "Having this shown is something we should embrace as college students."

I don't think "cultural diversity" means what this student thinks it means. It certainly doesn't mean having to contaminate the environment with so much hot air that it offends more cultures than it embraces. (In fact, what kind of dumb-ass culture would embrace this play? Probably one worth seeing extinct.) If college students are required to embrace this crap on principle, then we'd better start re-thinking the usefulness of college.

One more reason I'm glad I studied here.
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*The article has a pretty barf-worthy photo.

Morons at the PDIC

Recently, I got a National Library card and affixed my signature at the back. This ID would have served as a third ID sample so the PDIC can give my Mom her trust fund money back after the bank she deposited it in went under.

According to Mom, my sig has to be exactly the same as the one in my passport before the idiots (my word) at PDIC recognized them.

Did these fucking idiots ever study forgery? It is when presented with an absolutely exact copy of a signature that you should be suspicious.

Human beings have a reasonable variance in the signatures they put on paper. Signatures all look similar, but never are they absolutely alike, unless you're some obssessive-compulsive. Amateur forgers look to duplicate a signature exactly. The best ones try to imitate that reasonable variance, difficult as it is.

You government-sponsored insurance company at work. 

Monday, March 29, 2010

Scarface: The School Play

This is what happened when awesome went to fifth grade.



Forget pansy-ass musicals. This is the play we ought to be staging! And if a bunch of fifth-graders can do it....

"Motherfudger"....

Saturday, March 27, 2010

If You Didn't Hate Eve Ensler's Shit Before...

Now is not a bad time to start.

I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you're feeling
as you're feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend's really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won't call back.
It's a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it's unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don't you dare say all negative that it's a
teenage thing
or it's only only because I'm a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It's like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it's still in my body.

I know when the coconut's about to fall.
I know that we've pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn't coming back.
That no one's prepared for the fire.
I know that lipstick means
more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure
and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take
away all my decision-making ability
and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.
It's a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don't tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.
I am an emotional creature.
It's how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don't tell the Atlantic ocean
to behave.

I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down
or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing's been diluted.
Nothing's leaked out.
I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Ugh...what a bunch of crap.

Anyway, if Ensler believes all of this "emotional" BS is true, I'll be waiting with baited breath for her call for all female academics to resign. After all, they can't process "intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas". They're "emotional creatures", and such creatures have no business teaching anyone anything beyond the occasional yoga class.

I find it ironic that the queen of feminist literature thinks women are idiots. Of course, she's the first to prove it herself. Talking vaginas, my ass.




I Hope They Know I Can Work for Peanuts

According to Variety, Hollywood studios are looking to use cheap (as in low asking price, inexperienced) writers and directors on their franchise projects.

Hey, in Obama's economy, everything must come cheap.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Book of Eli

Rating:★★★★
Category:Movies
Genre: Westerns
If "Fallout" Were a Western *spoiler warning*

"The Book of Eli" is a very rare thing. Here you have a post-apocalyptic movie about hope instead of despair, in which hope is purveyed through the preservation of a relic most of today's corrupt intelligentsia would be all too glad to burn. Here you have a Western that does not dwell on righteous violence (though there is plenty), vengeance or getting the girl, but on themes few Westerns would touch, let alone dwell on. Denzel Washington took a risk here, and while it is nowhere near the level of risk Mel Gibson took on in 2004, the fact that he did and did so rather well deserves some commendation.

Craftsmanship

Watching Denzel Washington's "Eli" walk long desolate roads was like reliving those long hours playing Fallout 3. The husks of cars, the occasional roadkill and cannibals in ambush all feel like they came straight out of Fallout. Even the dirty, dust-colored wash that pervades all the scenes feel like they came straight out of post-apocalyptic videogame convention. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I think that Westerns, with their ghost towns and dust-colored pastiche, have had a greater influence on post-apocalyptic imagination than they are given credit for. In any case, the world of Eli mimics the tone of the movie's premise. To dust we all came, and to dust shall it all return.

Plot
I must confess to having sympathy for the premise. If, after the end of civilization there is but one Bible left, I cannot think of a relic more worth preserving. As to the novelty of having a Hollywood movie depict the Bible as worth risking life for, I find it a breath of fresh air. "Book of Eli" starts off rather fast, but is punctuated by some awesome fight scenes. (Eli under the bridge, fighting in silhouette, was particularly cool.) But, once the plot gets rolling, the pace slows down to allow the audience time to get to know the characters and their motivations. When the action gets going again, the sense of urgency is heightened in every proceeding scene, topped off by Eli seemingly executed in the backyard cemetery of a cannibal couple. Here, one gets the notion of the main character as divinely protected, as he survives long enough to make it to his destination long after the bad guys think they've won. The movie's surprise twist, unlike most surprise twists, are central to the point of the movie, and provides for a satisfying punctuation mark. Unfortunately, the denoument is slow in the unravelling, culminating in a cutesy Solara (Mila Kunis) trying on the Road Warrior get up to continue spreading the Word back home. Where "Unforgiven" was a rebuke of the heroic violence of the Western, "Book of Eli" is a rebuke of the nihilism of "Unforgiven" and its descendants.

Performances
Denzel Washington always delivers, and this time out is no exception. Gary Oldman shows the range that allows him to play so many different roles in his career. Mila Kunis is the odd woman out. She is the youngest of the main cast, and she cannot seem to shed the wide-eyed cuteness that made her so popular in "That 70's Show". However, rather than being a disadvantage, it allows her to stand out amongst the giants she has to work with, and provides a stunning contrast of innocence with such a desolate and unforgiving landscape.

Overall, this movie will probably not get much notice beyond its screen run, and its a shame. The movie is a credit to Westerns in general, and should have a place in the canon of the genre. It is an exploration of the Western on the opposite end of the spectrum from "Unforgiven", and deserves a hearing for the case it makes.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Old Soldiers Fade Away


I caught the last episode of "Band of Brothers" tonight. It was part of HBO's promotional run for the Asian TV debut of "The Pacific", the cable giant's latest World War II opus.

Considering how loony Tom Hanks (producer of both "Band of Brothers" and "The Pacific") has become and how much of it showed in his appearances promoting his latest series, and the reduction of brave men who served in the Pacific into a bunch of racist rednecks by the morons who wrote "The Pacific", I have come to appreciate further how great "Band of Brothers" was. Coincidentally, when "The Pacific" debuted in the US, it attracted 3 million viewers. The rerun of Band of Brothers on the History Channel attracted 4.6 million viewers. The syndicated rerun of "Band of Brothers" can easily outdo the much-celebrated debut of Hanks' depiction of Marines as racists.

But what struck me about the final episode was the video of all those old soldiers speaking of their experiences and paying tribute to each other. The last living British veteran of World War I just died recently. Some day, all the veterans of World War II will be dead. I find it fortunate that before these old men fade away, they have preserved for posterity their witness of one of the greatest conflicts in human history. There, captured on film, were the last fading words of brotherhood, as only the fiery forge of war can produce.

From this day to the ending of the World,
But we in it shall be remembred;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers:
For he today who sheds his blood with me,
Shall be my brother...

------------
PS

Instead of "war junkies", why not a character study on men of this caliber? They cannot be all dead.