POV: Failing a Test

Wanna know what it feels like every time you finish a calculus test?

CollegeHumor - Funny Pictures, Funny Videos, Funny Links!

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Name says it all....

The 81st Liberal Sanctimony Awards

Anybody catch the Oscars?

Personally, I feel good having missed it. By all accounts, Hollywood ramped up the preachy left-wing sanctimony, especially on gay marriage. Fucking Sean Penn won best actor and couldn't resist the deep urge to cast shame on people who believe in traditional marriage. Way to be tolerant there, Captain Commie. Is it any wonder that this year's Best Picture nominees have the lowest collective gross in recent memory? Who wants to watch this crap? A movie about a reverse geriatric male model, one about a rabidly gay activist, another about some liberal caricature of a Republican president, one about good Nazi Kate Winslet, and, the least offensive, one about a lucky Indian.

Poor Mickey Rourke probably wished his wrestler character was gay. No way was Hollywood going to miss this chance to tell the rest of us what to believe.

At least, Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture. Thank God for small mercies.

Goodnight Hollywood, and fuck off.

Mother Spain Begs to Be Put Out of Misery

Spain's Socialist parliament is about to fully legalize abortion, thus ensuring that with millions of Spaniards never to be born (the Moors won't be so quick to throw away their young), Spain will now do no more than thrash about in its death bed, waiting for the final Moorish blow to come. Maybe all those "married" homosexuals they've created can save them. NOT.

As a citizen of a nation that is as much a product of Spanish missionary zeal as anything else, it's like watching a beloved grandfather prepare to stab himself in the gut.

I wonder what Zapatero and his ilk will have up their sleeves to set against such monstrous sins come Judgment Day....

A Canterbury Tale

Here's a parody of the the buffoonery of the Anglican hierarchy, laid out in a way only a lover of Ye Olde Englishe could appreciate.

"Heere Bigynneth the Tale of the Asse-Hatte

my favorite lines:

41  Sayth the libertine, “’tis well and goode

42  But sharia goes now where nae it should;

43  I liketh bigge buttes and I cannot lye,

44  You othere faelows can’t denye,

...

53  “But Father Williams,” sayed the Gaye-manne

54  “Though I am but a layman

55  The Mussleman youthes hath smyte me so

56  Whan on streets I saunter wyth my beau.”

57  Sayed the Bishop in a curt replye

58  “I am as toolrant as anye oothere guy,

59  But if Mussleman law sayes no packynge fudge,

60  Really nowe, who are we to judge?”

...

98  Of Englande folk, one thynge is certan:

99  Dying by theyr own thousande cuts,

100  The Englande folk are folking nuts.

101 BURMA SHAVE

"Folking nuts" indeed!

Iowahawk is brilliant!

One Last Hurrah

iCame iSang iMic Season 4 is on Feb 17!

So, what's with the uncharacteristic enthusiasm? It's because I get to "sing" live one more time. It'll probably also be my last. Same thing for Norm, who is graduating. A nice send-off for the guy who helped come up with this UA&P tradition in the first place.

Grant, Seph, Norm and I have taken to calling ourselves Rock Band 3. Why?

Because it's much shorter than Rock Band 3 Featuring Norman "Norm" Tan.

And, it's our fake band, so we get to come up with it's fake name. :P

So, how will we end Norm's farewell tour? Watch and find out. :D

Oh, and vote for us, denizens of UA&P land! We can't promise you a free cheeseburger like the other guy, but we'll give you an audio ass whooping like you'll never hear again. (You'll probably be thankful that such is true afterward, but what the hell....)

Feel the Pain! In your Eardrums!

Obligatory Post-Valentine Cynicism

High Maintenance Valentine

Roses are red,
And I'm feeling blue,
They're so damn expensive,
But then, so are you.

Admittedly, being single is not all that its cracked up to be.

But it could be worse. At least, we end up saving more, for now.

Or, you could end up chained to a vicious harpy. Or a serial killer.

You could also be someone's burnished trophy. Looking good come election day, baby.

In short, you could end up making things worse by being with the wrong person.

Besides, not all of us can end up like this guy.

Proof that God exists and miracles happen

Besides, I believe that Valentine's Day is no longer about love. The saint the feast day was named after was renowned for conducting marriages in the Roman dungeons, and was a witness to love in the face of imminent death.

The modern Valentine is a stupid card you attach to over-priced flowers.

Valentine's Day is about mere "romance" (in its most base, vulgar sense), not love. There are probably more instances of STD transference than actual marriages during Valentine's, a prime testimony as to how a feast day can lose the whole point of its existence.

Ah, that's another story for another time. For now, Happy Valentine's Day / Singles Awareness Day to you all, and a hearty "Fuck you" to all those who suck face just to rub it in.

And to register my protest, let me end a trivialized Valentine's with something both trivial and a little bit disturbing.

Happy Valentine's Day, Liv. I'll see you in Fantasy Land.

Til next year.

Another Installment of "UK Run By The Stupids" (I've Lost Count)

Sometimes, all the talk about a Muslim Europe is dismissed as hysteria. However, just when we might be lulled to believe it is, somebody somewhere in Europe convinces us that the new Al-Andalus is not just possible, but maybe even inevitable.

For our incident today, we go to one of three constant sources of European ennui-induced stupidity: the United Kingdom. (The other two are France and Germany.)

A foster mother has her license revoked because, horror of horrors, a Muslim teenager under her care has decided to convert to Christianity.

One is stunned that, in a secular nation that has reduced religion to personal choice, a woman is punished for "allowing" a ward of hers (already at a reasonable age of 16) her personal choice of religion.

A foster mother has been struck off the register for allowing a Muslim girl in her care to convert to Christianity.

The woman, who has looked after more than 80 children in the past ten years, is considering suing the council over the decision.

Although she is a practising Anglican, she said she had put no pressure on the girl who was baptised last year at the age of 16.

She said social workers had also raised no objections to her own attendance at church.

But officials insist she failed in her duty to preserve the girl's religion and should have tried to stop the baptism.

But why should a freely chosen baptism be stopped? Why should the woman be obligated to physically stop this very free act of choosing which god to follow?

This is cultural cowardice reflective of a much larger malaise. If these British dolts cannot even be compelled to welcome someone into the faith that built their precious civilization, then what would compel them to defend it? If Muslims must be genuinely prevented from entering the faith, for the sake of their own good, of course, then why stay yourself?

What makes this situation even more pathetic is that its not just the myopic bureaucrats who embody this mindset. It stems from the ground up. Just check out the foster mom, Ms. "Practising Anglican", herself:

The carer is a single mother of two in her 50s who has worked with young children for much of her life. She has had an unblemished record since becoming a foster parent in the North of England in 1999.

Of the Christian convert, she said: 'I did initially try to discourage her. I offered her alternatives.

'I offered to find places for her to practise her own religion. I offered to take her to friends and family.

'But she said to me from the word go, 'I am interested and I want to come.' She sort of burst in.'

This woman, far from being the solution to the malaise, is actually one of the sources! If she held her faith, her culture, and her civilization dearly, why would she discourage an interested convert? It is not enough to not encourage, she simply HAD to discourage the young woman from even inquiring. One might wonder what "alternatives" she proposed. Kabbalah, maybe? Scientology? Wicca? "Jedi"?

If the problem of civilizational confidence seeps down this far, I do not see how the UK, or Europe for that matter will be able to get its act together in time to resist any form of Islamization. Shariah courts in Britain is just the first step.

In this entire mess of stupid, the person I pity most is the new convert, now barred for six months from church courtesy of the British government. Of all the branches of Christianity she could conceivably have entered, she seemed to have converted into Anglicanism. Instead of finding Christ in a steadfast stronghold, she will have to search for Him in a sinking ship. May God find her and speed her to better pastures. 

As for Britain, well...good luck in the Eurabian crapper.

Footnotes to a Controversy

Earlier tonight, Joao asked me:

"What's the deal with Benedict XVI lifting the excommunication of the anti-Semitic bishop?"

I suppose, in case there are others among my friends also asking the same question, I must provide an answer.

I think these people are thinking of this particular scandal.

Of course, media being media, these idiots all seem to assume that Pope Benedict lifted Bishop Williamson's excommunication, which would be due to Williamson being an anti-Semitic nut job. Apparently, some editors have been cutting down their research department, because the hysteria is a product of poor research.

It would do well to realize that what the Pope was doing was lifting an excommunication handed down by John Paul II against the Society of Saint Pius X (SSPX), of which Bishop Williamson just happened to be a member.

The order was not excommunicated for being anti-Semitic. The order was excommunicated because this particular bunch of bishops were ordained as bishops illicitly by Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre in 1988. Of this particular bunch, only Williamson is an anti-Semitic horse's ass. You see, making anti-Semitic statements, while stupid and sinful, is far from an excommunicable offense. The excommunicable sin on the part of these bishops is accepting the ordination of orders from an outright schismatic, which does far more damage to the cause of Christian unity than simple anti-Semitic ass-hattery.

So, in short, the Pope did not suddenly find Antisemitism fashionable. He was trying to unify this breakaway group of people with the Church, something he has also been trying to do with traditionalist Anglicans and the Eastern Orthodox. That one idiot happened to be antisemitic doesn't change that. In a church of sinners, you do not condemn a group of people for the sins of one guy.

I think that at the heart of this scandal is the difficult nature of forgiveness. The most scandalous thing that the media, and everybody who believed the media, found was the notion that even somebody as noxious as Bishop Williamson could be forgiven.

But, God has forgiven worse sins, and will continue to forgive even sins of such magnitude as to be beyond imagination. The Holy Father is simply following his boss' example with regards to the SSPX, who seem ready to attempt to reconcile. As for Williamson himself, nobody is beyond the pale when it comes to God. There are only those who wish themselves there.

As a corollary of the Beauty and the Beast rule, the SSPX, in order to get back into the Pope's good graces, has begun cleaning it's own house. They have already relieved Williamson and fellow antisemitic nut job Florian Abrahamowicz of their positions. 

Bale Goes All Dresden with the F-Bomb

This is what method acting does to a man's psyche, lol!

Man, Christian Bale went to town on that poor DP.

I love his work, but this just makes Bale come off as an unhinged asshole. Maybe that's why he works so well as Batman. 

You fucking trashed my scene! Grrr...in goooooood....rrr.....

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it)

You know that fable about the three blind men and the elephant? This is what happens when the three blind men is one girl who has only seen bits and pieces of Star Wars and Star Wars is the elephant.

Enjoy. :)

How to Improve Jane Austen

Available at Chronicle Books!

Alternative Titles:
Left 1 Dead
Last Woman on Earth
Liz (and Darcy) of the Dead
Janey's Got a Shotgun
Tea Time of the Living Dead
Kill and Killability
Dainty Lace-Veiled Allegory
You Suck, Victorian Morality Undead Blah!
Gossip Girl

[Hat tip: Blog of Sci-Fi author Mike Flynn]

Speaking of Human Monsters

Here's a particularly horrifying one:

COUPLES who have more than two children are being “irresponsible” by creating an unbearable burden on the environment, the government’s green adviser has warned.

Jonathon Porritt, who chairs the government’s Sustainable Development Commission, says curbing population growth through contraception and abortion must be at the heart of policies to fight global warming. He says political leaders and green campaigners should stop dodging the issue of environmental harm caused by an expanding population.

It is funny how these fanatics so hell-bent on saving the planet want to wade through a field of blood just to attain salvation.

If Mr. Porritt is so very concerned about the damage done to the planet by an excess in human beings, let him apply his own logic first and commit suicide. If he does, then good fucking riddance.

Pray he takes Rep. Lagman with him.

If this is "sustainable development", then may we never sustain it.

Righteous Gentile

One of the great tragedies of the human condition is that we so easily forget. There is a reason why that old truism about man simply recycling his atrocities keeps getting repeated. When we forget, we repeat.

Here is the story of one priest who refuses to let his brethren forget:

Father Patrick Desbois is a French Catholic priest who, virtually single-handedly, has undertaken the task of excavating the history of previously undocumented Jewish victims of the Holocaust in the former Soviet Union, including an estimated 1.5 million people who were murdered in Ukraine. Father Desbois was born 10 years after the end of World War II -- and yet, through his tireless actions, he exemplifies the "righteous gentile." The term is generally used to recognize non-Jews who, during the Holocaust, risked their lives to save Jews from the Nazis. Father Desbois is a generation too late to save lives. Instead, he has saved memory and history.

How long has it been since Auschwitz? And, how long will it be until the next one?

If men like this priest have their way, it would be a very long time off.

"These were young children who were forced, in the course of one day, to fill the grave and to witness," Father Desbois said. "They heard the last words of the dead. They want to speak."

We must never forget what monsters we can be....

We must never forget that at the dawn of the age of progress, the first thing our progressive forefathers did was baptize the new age with blood. And now that blood will remain with us and our children.

But, if we are to lose our faith in monsters, where can we look? The priest has an answer.

Even so, I ask him: How can you bear to listen to a woman talk about when she was 14 years old and was forced to walk on corpses, between shootings, in order to pack them down in a mass grave? "I keep my faith in God," Father Desbois responds, "not in humanity."