What England Was...

Theodore Dalrymple writes in an article called "The End of Virtuous Albion":

The husband of another of my patients, a man in his late seventies, described how his wife's compulsions--constant checking that the gas was turned off, for example, and repeated scrubbing of surfaces that were obviously already spotlessly clean--had sometimes made his life very difficult. His wife's compulsions had lasted fifty years, and since she never completed her checking she was often unable to leave the house.

"Why did you stay with her?" I asked, my question demonstrating that I was myself a creature of the modern age.

"I made a promise in church fifty years ago," he said. "And I meant it."

There are more such examples as Dalrymple tried to put into words his feelings about the decline of the British character. These old Englishmen, polite, unflinching, stoic, and still possessed of a remarkable sense of honor, stands in stark contrast to all those morons who make up my "UK Run by the Stupids" files.

It was for men such as the above, who would not leave a most annoying woman due to a promise given in church, or the one who did not wish to disturb his doctor except for the now-unbearable pain, these guys were the stuff England was once made of. It was for this aged generation that "There Will Always Be an England" was sung, and you could believe it with the stern strength of character possessed by many common men of that time.

Today? The UK is just waiting to be euthanized into an Islamic fiefdom. Its current generation of arrogant, Pop-glugging hooligans are ultimately spineless in the most important things. And now, Albion's time is almost up. There won't always be an England.

Sports I Find Unwatchable

Sports are one of the greatest entertainment events in the world. They provide a lot of action, some built-in drama and conflict, as well as a feeling of gritty reality that so-called reality shows can only dream of. Plus, they make excellent analogues for a human past-time one can no longer indulge at will: war.

However, I find some of them a chore to watch, for several reasons. Sometimes it's the nature of the sport. Sometimes, its the participants. After all, not all sports are bone-crunchingly, high-flyingly equal.

(Note: These are just sports I've encountered personally, whether live or on TV, and are considered actual sports. Sorry, chess, poker, billiards and cheerleading.)

Men's Tennis

I used to love tennis, back before I discovered videogames and fun. I quickly realized that tennis, while fast-paced and occasionally frenetic, is essentially human Pong with a needlessly confusing scoring system. Of course, I should have said "Tennis" instead of "Men's Tennis", but I still find some juvenile delight in hearing girls in short skirts grunt loudly. That's the only reason I'd watch women's tennis. That and the prospect of seeing a future supermodel.

Oh, and to keep up with the latest in super soldier steroids....

Also applies to: Badminton, Table Tennis

Golf

I don't know why golf gets so much coverage. I can understand golf as a hobby for old men whose athleticism had deserted them around the same time their prostates did. But, as a spectator sport, I cannot imagine being excited by a bunch of middle-aged guys (or dykes) strolling around grassy knolls with their manservants carrying all the stuff. (This is, like, 85% of the sport.) Even when Tiger Woods, the most athletic, exciting golfer in the history of ever, played, I always believed that he should be playing basketball or football instead. It seemed like he got more of a workout with a stripper on his lap than with a club in his hands.

Pictured: Athlete?

Also applies to: Any sport where you spend more time cutting business deals than playing.

Women's Basketball

Basketball is a great game. People speak of soccer as "the beautiful game" when played a certain way (Brazil, Barcelona and 70's Holland), but basketball has its savage beauty already so inherent that it need not be described as "the beautiful game" simply because it already is. The muscling in the paint, bone-crunching picks, the rising form of the jumpshot, the elegant fastbreak and the swift, graceful savagery of the slam dunk all combine to make basketball one of the most amazing athletic endeavours to behold. But all that is in the men's game.

The women's game is slow, ponderous and played way, way below the rim. There is just a fraction of the athleticism and excitement. Slam dunks are so glaringly absent that the politically-correct media celebrates the prospect of a girl "dunking" like its the Second Coming of Christ, never mind the fact that the "girl dunk" is just a glorified lay up where your fingers graze the rim. Ostensibly, the excuse is that the women's game is about basketball "fundamentals", but the women's game even does "fundamentals" badly. Even Mr. Fundamentals (aka Tim Duncan) can make the game look coherent, intelligible and exciting. Sheryl Swoopes, the so-called "female Jordan" (if Jordan couldn't dunk, shoot the fade-away or play defense), looks that way because she's guarded by Susie, the "blonde who once took up Child Welfare studies in college before experimenting".

The only reason the WNBA exists is because the NBA needs a charitable cause to its politically-correct name. That, and the world needs a place to see lesbians making out in public. Unfortunately for the WNBA, most of its lesbians are the "grizzly bears with mullets" kind.

Girl-on-girl action...???

Also applies to: most women's versions of men's team sports, with notable exceptions being women's volleyball and women's soccer.

Equestrian Jumping

So your horse can jump. Yay. Sign my souvenir program, horse.

Now, if you give the rider a lance and some armor, then we're in business....

All sports should be like this....

Also applies to: All non-racing equestrian events...until they legitimize jousting.

Men's Figure Skating

Women's figure skating can be a joy to watch. A slender woman in some pretty tights twirls to classical Western music, and the world applauds this celebration of femininity. It's like the culmination of feminine grace on stage for everyone to admire.

Then some dude similarly dressed comes along and ruins it all.

Look, if I wanted to see some faggy drag queen gyrating to music, (and I never, ever want to see this) I'd be in a gay club, not watching TV.

Someone do the world a favor and kick all men's figure skaters in the nuts. Of course, that won't hurt much as they're probably already neutered.

Men, men, men, men, manly men....

Also applies to: the Gay Olympics

Women's Power-Lifting

Take everything that was sublime about women's figure skating and find the direct opposite. This is women's power-lifting.

The only time I'd be watching this sport is after I have pledged to never sleep with a woman, ever again.

Her milkshake caused the formation of a new fault line...

Also applies to: Women's body-building

Flirting is Now a College Course

Potsdam University wants its IT geek swamp to reproduce, after all.

Of course, only grad students need apply.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Speaking of the Sons of the French Revolution

It looks like the country that no longer exists is having another one of those fits of multicultural love as expressed by its most multicultural activity: rioting.

You have the French Chinese rioting against the French Moslems.

And then you have the French Moslems rioting against...everybody else. 

More fun in the land of Robbespierre.

Whereas France used to be this:

Bayard, one of France's greatest knights

It is now this:

Some Moslems celebrating multiculturalism

Last Week Was Bastille Day

And to give this wretched day and the rest of the French Revolution a big middle finger, here is a look at the last letter written by the person most caricatured and villified by the murderous French revolutionaries: Marie Antionette.

The letter was written to her sister, and the letter was held and never delivered by the monster Robbespierre. Some excerpts:

Let my daughter feel that at her age she ought always to aid her brother by the advice which her greater experience and her affection may inspire her to give him. And let my son in his turn render to his sister all the care and all the services which affection can inspire. Let them, in short, both feel that, in whatever positions they may be placed, they will never be truly happy but through their union. Let them follow our example. In our own misfortunes how much comfort has our affection for one another afforded us! And, in times of happiness, we have enjoyed that doubly from being able to share it with a friend; and where can one find friends more tender and more united than in one's own family? Let my son never forget the last words of his father, which I repeat emphatically; let him never seek to avenge our deaths.

...

I die in the Catholic Apostolic and Roman religion, that of my fathers, that in which I was brought up, and which I have always professed. Having no spiritual consolation to look for, not even knowing whether there are still in this place any priests of that religion (and indeed the place where I am would expose them to too much danger if they were to enter it but once), I sincerely implore pardon of God for all the faults which I may have committed during my life. I trust that, in His goodness, He will mercifully accept my last prayers, as well as those which I have for a long time addressed to Him, to receive my soul into His mercy. I beg pardon of all whom I know, and especially of you, my sister, for all the vexations which, without intending it, I may have caused you. I pardon all my enemies the evils that they have done me.

Far from being the cartoon villain of "let them eat cake" infamy (a quote falsely atrributed to her), she was an intelligent and spiritual woman whose strength and willfulness both made her an important partner for her kingly husband and an easy target for her husband's enemies. (Being Austrian, and therefore foreign, made things even easier.)

In the end, she conducted herself with such grace during her trial that her prosecutors came off looking like the vultures they were. Months after her own execution, the beasts started eating each other.

If I Were to Practice One Eccentric Sport...

...it would be jousting.

I mean, come on, look at these guys!

Not pictured: flopping for penalties and charging fouls

If this becomes a professional sport, I hope some sports channel carries it.

Look at it: all the violence of American football and some really sweet-looking armor. As a combat sport, it suffers from a system that pauses after spurts of action (like American football and boxing) in order to allow fallen competitors to regroup, and this opens it to exploitation by advertisers. However, there is no rolling around and writhing together for whole rounds like in MMA. Plus, you are assured of bone-crunching hits and flowing testosterone.

All this while wearing some of the most beautiful armor ever made.

Sign me up.

PS

On the downside, its really expensive.

Viva España!

What a great way for all of it to end. A victory for Spanish / FC Barcelona football, and for football in general!

While I feel for the Orange, I find it a good thing that dirty, thuggish football lost today.

And yes, a team I like finally didn't suck!

Oh, and Nike refused to leave well enough alone, cursing one of the few nice Dutch players with this just before the final:

Sneijder should have known better....