I found some here. My favorites:
Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.
"A Frenchmen's home is where another man's wife is." - Mark Twain -1878-79 Journal
I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".
Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.
How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
Hey ! Do you know what's the difference between a Frenchman and a chimpanzee ? - One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his ass all the time. The other is a chimpanzee.
Why do the french get more votes in the U.N. They vote with both hands
During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops. The Germans then lit them and threw them back.
Q. Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France
A. Because they don't smell like crap.
Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.
Q. What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A. Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.
Q. Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children?
A. Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!!
Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
Q. Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A. Because it doesn't really exist.
The French; they are a funny race, they fight with their feet, and fuck with their face!
Q. how can you tell if a frechmen has been in your backyard?
A. your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!
Why wasn't Jesus born in france? Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.
Q. Did you hear about the French submarine with a screen door?
A. Don't laugh... it keeps the fish out.
Q. What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A. A bisexual.
A French and American general were surveying a battlefield. A bullet strikes the American general, grazing his arm. He shouts "Aide! Bring me my red jacket!" The French general asks "Why did you do that?" The American general responds "So my men don't see that I'm bleeding, and lose hope." A second bullet narrowly misses the French general's ear, and he shouts: "Aide! Bring me my brown trousers!"
-----
Yeah, call me a racist pig. But at least its just the French.
Monday, June 30, 2008
On Forcing Oil Companies to Fund Alternatives
I just read that American politicians from both major parties were denouncing the so-called obscene profiteering of oil companies and their lack of spending on alternative sources of fuel.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'd like to see the day wherein my bottle of Absolute mineral water will be enough to fire my engine to school and back. However, isn't it a bit unfair to ask the oil companies to fund their own demise? I mean, where are the venture capitalists here?
Would you force a beer company to fund a temperance campaign? Or fund Prohibition?
Would you force manual laborers to fork over cash to fund the mechanizing of their work?
Why would you force an industry to fund its own obsolesence? Why must it comply?
The funny part of all this is that the biggest spenders on alternative fuel research are the oil companies themselves.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'd like to see the day wherein my bottle of Absolute mineral water will be enough to fire my engine to school and back. However, isn't it a bit unfair to ask the oil companies to fund their own demise? I mean, where are the venture capitalists here?
Would you force a beer company to fund a temperance campaign? Or fund Prohibition?
Would you force manual laborers to fork over cash to fund the mechanizing of their work?
Why would you force an industry to fund its own obsolesence? Why must it comply?
The funny part of all this is that the biggest spenders on alternative fuel research are the oil companies themselves.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Surreal Multiply Moment
My cousin Ray invited me to be a contact, and I get a message that says the following:
"Ray Reyes invites you to be his cousin."
Yeah, sure thing Cuz. I'll be your cousin. :)
Good thing I didn't accidentally press "decline", or the family tree may need fixing.
"Ray Reyes invites you to be his cousin."
Yeah, sure thing Cuz. I'll be your cousin. :)
Good thing I didn't accidentally press "decline", or the family tree may need fixing.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Still Touching Lives
I forgot which blog I was reading when I came across the following quote, but it still tickles me pink whenever I remember it:
When the Gospel came to Greece, the Gospel became a civilization.
When the Gospel came to Rome, the Gospel became an empire.
When the Gospel came to America, the Gospel became a business.
When the Gospel came to Greece, the Gospel became a civilization.
When the Gospel came to Rome, the Gospel became an empire.
When the Gospel came to America, the Gospel became a business.
One More Reason to Stay in the Philippines...
...is that I wouldn't be able to raise my kids in Europe. Apparently, governments over there believe that I, by virtue of my Y chromosome, am an unnecessary element in the life of my children.
This may seem like trivial, bureaucratic tweaking, but think of the consequences. By emphasizing the rights of the woman over that of the rights of her children or her husband, you essentially define family as a feminine possession. So, families cease to be the most fundamental building block of any society. Families are reduced to fab accessories for women.
Not even the most mind-boggling patriarchies could concieve of families in this way. When wives and children were deemed "property" of the man of the house, it came with the implicit understanding that the only reason the family was property was because they are put in trust by the community in the hands of its male protector. So, the family was "owned" in the same way feudal lords "owned" serfs, as part of a necessary deal to protect against the vagaries of human nature. Heaven have mercy on the steward who violates this trust!
Now, we consider such reasoning obsolete, and justifiedly so. However, that reasoning is far superior to the ones Western governments are giving to effectively feminize all things family. In the heyday of "individualism", capitalizing on the remnants of Christian culture ("inalenable rights" is a Christian product), families are effectively made the property of women because these poor women deserve "legal rights". (Where did responsibilities go? Oh, women don't have 'em? Geez.) The rights of lesbians and single women to have kids unconditionally attached to their households (because, you know, requiring those kids to have fathers or know their fathers causes so much emotional distress) trumps the preservation of a family structure that was responsible for the rise of mankind from the mists of time. Aristotle, the product of buggery-loving Athenian culture, said in his "Politics" that a man and a woman in marriage is at the heart of a polis. (Wow, apparently, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" was not originally a fundamentalist Christian argument!) For these new overlords of the remnants of Western civilization, a woman's "right" to satiate her motherhood urges (how else can you explain child-bearing framed as an individual right, and not a privelege?) is at the heart of a polis. One wonders how that polis will survive PMS.
Attempts to alter human nature have always been met by the stubborn backlash of a nature that stubbornly refuses to be altered by mere fiat. The fall of Western civilization may be interesting to observe. However, I wouldn't want my children to be in the middle of it all.
Sure, crime and corruption are rampant in the Philippines. But crime is rampant in the West too. Take a stroll through the Muslim neighborhoods of Great Britain, or the project outskirts of Paris, and the slums of Tondo suddenly don't seem so bad. As for corruption, I am far more willing to live with the kind of pragmatic corruption our elites practice than with the fundamental corruption of the soul that eats at the heart of the West's political elite.
It really puts that "passing through the eye of a needle" invocation against the wealthy into startling context.
This may seem like trivial, bureaucratic tweaking, but think of the consequences. By emphasizing the rights of the woman over that of the rights of her children or her husband, you essentially define family as a feminine possession. So, families cease to be the most fundamental building block of any society. Families are reduced to fab accessories for women.
Not even the most mind-boggling patriarchies could concieve of families in this way. When wives and children were deemed "property" of the man of the house, it came with the implicit understanding that the only reason the family was property was because they are put in trust by the community in the hands of its male protector. So, the family was "owned" in the same way feudal lords "owned" serfs, as part of a necessary deal to protect against the vagaries of human nature. Heaven have mercy on the steward who violates this trust!
Now, we consider such reasoning obsolete, and justifiedly so. However, that reasoning is far superior to the ones Western governments are giving to effectively feminize all things family. In the heyday of "individualism", capitalizing on the remnants of Christian culture ("inalenable rights" is a Christian product), families are effectively made the property of women because these poor women deserve "legal rights". (Where did responsibilities go? Oh, women don't have 'em? Geez.) The rights of lesbians and single women to have kids unconditionally attached to their households (because, you know, requiring those kids to have fathers or know their fathers causes so much emotional distress) trumps the preservation of a family structure that was responsible for the rise of mankind from the mists of time. Aristotle, the product of buggery-loving Athenian culture, said in his "Politics" that a man and a woman in marriage is at the heart of a polis. (Wow, apparently, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" was not originally a fundamentalist Christian argument!) For these new overlords of the remnants of Western civilization, a woman's "right" to satiate her motherhood urges (how else can you explain child-bearing framed as an individual right, and not a privelege?) is at the heart of a polis. One wonders how that polis will survive PMS.
Attempts to alter human nature have always been met by the stubborn backlash of a nature that stubbornly refuses to be altered by mere fiat. The fall of Western civilization may be interesting to observe. However, I wouldn't want my children to be in the middle of it all.
Sure, crime and corruption are rampant in the Philippines. But crime is rampant in the West too. Take a stroll through the Muslim neighborhoods of Great Britain, or the project outskirts of Paris, and the slums of Tondo suddenly don't seem so bad. As for corruption, I am far more willing to live with the kind of pragmatic corruption our elites practice than with the fundamental corruption of the soul that eats at the heart of the West's political elite.
It really puts that "passing through the eye of a needle" invocation against the wealthy into startling context.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Youtube...
...will start showing full-length indie flicks. That's nice.
And there's this:
"Filmmakers will be able to attach a "buy-now" button to the presentations and will receive a percentage of profits from all films presented on the website."
Nice.
And there's this:
"Filmmakers will be able to attach a "buy-now" button to the presentations and will receive a percentage of profits from all films presented on the website."
Nice.
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