We've all heard the charges before (at least, any of us with the wrong genitalia standing within spitting distance of a feminist). Men are naturally promiscuous. Men are naturally unfaithful. Men who are naturally promiscuous and unfaithful do nothing but hurt women who are naturally monogamous, faithful and suffering. Men are dicks.
I think I just summarized the syllabus of a Dr. (not the Dean) Toralba "Family" class. Day 1: Castration is your best friend....
That bit of UA&P arcana aside, what I'd like to avoid, for now, is discussing the truth or lack thereof) of the first half of the charge. For one, I've known too many dicks to not sympathize a little with this rather dim view of men. And another thing, such a generalization is already stupid in its own right, as there have been many good and faithful men as well.
No, what I'd like to do is attack the myth that women are "naturally monogamous".
This particular myth has deep roots. Watch our movies, and you will encounter woman as the perpetual martyr. Or for a change of pace, grrl power against those who would make them martyrs. Either way, the implicit assumption is that women are always being oppressed in relationships, and either they heroically suffer or get even.
How many times have our instincts inclined us to believe that in any break-up, it is the woman who is the aggrieved party until proven otherwise?
Reality paints a far bleaker picture of women and their so-called "natural monogamy". And this is most manifest in divorce statistics. In the United States, where nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, statistics show that two thirds of divorce proceedings are initiated by women. If you believe that two-thirds of divorce in America involves beastly men, I have a bridge in Alaska to sell you. Furthermore, it can be seen that most women who initiate divorce do not do so for grave reasons such as husband infidelity, abandonment, abuse or fraud. A lot of it is petty stuff a woman of sterner character should have been able to overcome. The problem is, far too many women believe that their "natural monogamy" preserves them from the need to develop virtuous character.
Since women are twice as likely to initiate divorce as men, shouldn't it be high time we retire the myth of the "naturally monogamous woman"? For not only is it myth, it is not a harmless myth. Even the feminists have noticed.
This blog post by former journalist Laura Wood provides some excerpts from a book written by a feminist writer about female infidelity. (I quote her because I have not read the book. Ever try looking for books in this country?)
Michelle Langley in her book Women’s Infidelity takes a long look at the phenomenon at a time when women, unlike Mrs. Minder, readily divorce. She believes many of these divorces are caused by a combination of guilt, insensitivity and ignorance on the part of women. She writes:
…. young females are conditioned to believe that they are naturally monogamous and they carry this belief with them throughout their lifetimes. So when women experience feelings that deviate from this belief, particularly after they are married, those feelings can cause enormous internal conflict. Many women resolve the dilemma by dissolving their marriages.
Some women find it easier to think they married the wrong guy than to see themselves as some sort of shameful freak of nature. Their erroneous belief in a monogamous predisposition prevents them from becoming aware of their natural sexual tendencies in the first place. This unawareness can cause a chain reaction that ultimately destroys their marriages.
Heck, read the rest of her post, which will likely be more insightful than this one.If you're still here, my point is that this myth of the "naturally monogamous" woman is gravely dangerous to both men and women. It prevents women from owning up to their own inadequacies, and often blinds good men to the shortcomings of women, the aftermath of which is the tendency to blame themselves for everything that went wrong in a relationship.
Women believing they are immune from cheating impulses are comparable to soldiers who believe they are invincible. The soldier gets shot. The woman will hop the next train to the next man (or woman) on the road to romantic thrills. In the end, both are destroyed.
Now, I will have to qualify. After all, did not the late Pope John Paul II believe that a predilection for faithfulness is part of the "feminine genius"?
I am not disagreeing with the Pope. A greater capacity for faithfulness does exist in the feminine genius. However, it is probably helpful to view this from the perspective of a bell curve. In terms of intelligence, the female bell curve is tighter than the male one. It means that there are plenty of average and above average intelligent women, but most of the stratospheric geniuses are men. Men also form the bulk of the morons. None of this means that men are "naturally more intelligent" than women.
In terms of the bell curve, I think that the reverse is true when it comes to relationship commitment. Because men's natural wants and goals in a relationship are much more limited, his commitment bell curve is tighter. Women expect a whole lot more from a relationship commitment, hence they are more likely to seek it, and more likely to break it. Their bell curve is wider. This means that they have a greater tendency to greater commitment, as well as a greater tendency to breaking commitment, than men. While this suggests the predilection for commitment in the feminine genius as elaborated by John Paul II, it does not mean that women are "naturally monogamous".
In the end, what makes relationships and societies work are men and women working together to overcome their individual faults. One of the great flaws of individualism is that it fails to see that man is not alone. And this cooperation is not served by a distortion offered up by ideology to soothe our easy sense of aggrievement.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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PS
You might be thinking, Oh Jon, you're showing your inner mysoginist again. Another anti-feminist post?
I would like to remind you that today is V-day. In this holy day of obligation for those Gaia-worshipping femi-nazis, we're all talking vaginas now.
Some dick has to speak up.
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